i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
