I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
