But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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