Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Sober January is a disaster.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
this will be a night to untag.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
