idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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