She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
