i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize