The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
