Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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