Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
