im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
