PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize