so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
