Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
soo... how was my night?
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