can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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