Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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