Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
