This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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