We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
this boner is exhausting
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
