OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize