ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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