pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
COCAINE IS GR8
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
