i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
