I accidentally burped into my bong.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
