If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
