is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dear god my vagina.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
