fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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