the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
