I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
