I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
