Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
