Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
