$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
