I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
