I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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