He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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