redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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