So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize