last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
only you would photoshop your dick
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
