is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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