There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
