Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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