Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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