I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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