Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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