i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
