Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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