i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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