why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
