dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
