Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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