fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
