I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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