The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
