Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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