So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
