he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
