i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Im part way to drunk.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
