You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
