Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
