i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize