Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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