We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Randomize
