He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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