Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
