We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
