so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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