Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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