First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
