how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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