just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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