she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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