When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize