he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm having to shit out rocks
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
